


I am Iron Man

by Windfighter



Category: Marvel, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Gen, Hurt Tony, Implied Suicide Attempt, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, sorry Tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 06:30:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18493321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Windfighter/pseuds/Windfighter
Summary: Tony is injured during battle. He isolates himself from his team following the accident and the team slowly breaks apart. Steve wants nothing more than to help his friend, but how can he help when he's not allowed near him?





	I am Iron Man

A bomb was flying in Natasha's direction and Tony dove. Threw himself in the middle. It exploded, tore through the arc reactor powering his suit. Power went out but Tony was still flying, blasted backwards by the explosion. Natasha jumped away from the building just at Tony crashed into it. The back of his armor was stripped as his body ran through the roof and then he was stopped. A huge metal beam slammed into his back.

”Tony! Are you okay?” Steve called over the com.

Tony didn't answer. He blinked at the sky, listened to the sound of battle and the dying sparks of his armor.

”Can you get back up?” Steve continued.

He still didn't answer. His eyes kept blinking and he took a few shaky breaths.

”I need a medvac”, he whispered into the com.

Silence fell, as if the battle suddenly came to a halt. His team mates struck by his request, something they had never heard him ask for before. Steve started moving towards Tony, but was interrupted as the battle started up again.

”We're on our way, Mr Stark”, the head of the medical team answered. ”We'll get you out of there in no time.”

”I'll keep the area clear for you”, Clint said.

Tony didn't say anything. And the battle raged on.

 

Tony didn't allow anyone to see him while he was in the medical bay. The door remained locked and Friday only opened it for Rhodey, Pepper and the medical staff. Steve had yelled at Friday, begged, ordered, but nothing could persuade her to let him in. None of the Avengers were allowed inside. They had tried sneaking in together with the doctors but it didn't work. After three weeks Tony was allowed back to the compund, they had prepared a welcome home party, but Tony arrived through the back door and missed it. Steve was certain he did it on purpose and he was starting to get edgy.

”Clint, you saw him”, he said, slumped down in the couch and his face hidden in his hands.

”For certain values of saw”, Clint answered.

”How bad was he?”

”He asked for a medvac, Steve”, Clint sat up from the floor and looked at the captain. ”I couldn't tell from where I was but it can't have been good.”

”I know, I just”, Steve let out a sigh. ”Why isn't he letting us see him?”

”He will, eventually.”

 

Eventually never seemed to happen. Tony stayed locked up in his room, only allowed Pepper, Rhodey and his personal doctor to enter. If anyone of the Avengers even were close Friday would not open the door. Steve stayed as close as he dared most of the time, the other times he sat in Tony's lab. Occassionally he had to lead the team on a mission, but everything was so different without Iron Man. Without Tony.

”He'll return when he's ready”, Natasha said and hugged his shoulder. ”When he has healed.”

”But healed from what?”

No one knew.

 

Four weeks after Tony's return they heard shouting from the bedroom. Pepper stormed out, tears in her eyes. She smiled apologetic to Steve, then disappeared into a car and drove away. The shouting continued, Steve could only pick up every few words. Rhodey sounded furious but Steve couldn't tell about what.

”Tony's being an ass”, Rhodey only offered when he came outside.

”Isn't he always?” Steve couldn't help but ask. Rhodey gave him a sad smile.

”Not this type of ass.”

Steve didn't know what to say, so he let the subject of Tony's assiness slide.

”Is he coming back soon?”

Rhodey's smile faded and he only looked sad and worn.

”We're working on it.”

 

A few days after that Rhodey started to bring materials from the workshop to Tony's bedroom. Tools, wires, metal, a lot of things Steve didn't know what it was called. Electronics. Rhodey spent a lot of time in there. Every now and then another shouting match started and the toolbox would come flying out through the door again. It was generally retrieved just a few minutes later. Pepper didn't return for several days, but she looked a little calmer.

”He's building”, she said as Steve handed her a cup of coffee.

Steve didn't understand what she meant, Tony was always building. She didn't explain it further and Steve didn't push the subject. Rhodey started yelling at Tony again and Pepper put the cup down, gave him another apologetic look and disappeared into the bedroom again.

 

”Threesomes”, Clint said one day and Steve blinked in surprise.

”What?”

”I bet that's what's happening. Crashing through that building scared the shit out of him and now he's just playing it rough with the only two people he ever loved.”

”That doesn't explain the shouting”, Steve defended his friend and Clint shrugged.

”Maybe Tony doesn't split his time evenly between them.”

It definately didn't explain the lack of Tony's voice during the shouting matches, but Steve wasn't going to let Clint know what he had heard. Even if he probably should.

”I think it's something else.”

 

The doctor had stopped coming a few weeks earlier. By now everyone was convinced Tony wanted nothing to do with them. The Avengers that had other homes had returned to them, Natasha and Bruce had disappeared to who knew where, Wanda and Vision was on a vacation in Russia. Steve and Peter were the only ones who still hung around. Sometimes they trained, sometimes they just hung out in Tony's lab. Peter tinkered there and Steve couldn't help but think it all felt wrong.

There were less shouting matches nowadays. Peter had heard them even better than Steve and that was probably why he stuck around. They never talked about them, more than the occassional

”Another shouting match?”

”Yeah, third one today.”

One day when they were in Tony's lab Peter put whatever tech he was working on away and sat down next to Steve. He pulled at his pants, and Steve didn't look at him, kept sketching, until Peter whispered his name. He put the sketchpad away and looked at the kid.

”He gave up”, Peter's voice wavered, like he was saying stuff he wasn't allowed to. Steve pulled him closer.

”He's strong, he'll pull through.”

Steve wasn't sure who he was trying to convince. Peter shivered under his arm.

”You heard them, I know you heard Rhodey. You're always there keeping an eye and ear out. I know you didn't miss it”, Peter looked at Steve. ”He gave up.”

”He's still here.”

He didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to think about it. He hugged Peter again. There wasn't anything he could say to ease the kid's fear. There was no way they could know if Tony would try again.

 

Peter moved in two days later. Steve was relieved to not be alone any longer. They watched movies together, occassionally tried to get into Tony's bedroom. Rhodey and Pepper almost lived at the compound as well now. Pepper took care of as much Stark Industry-business from there as she could but every now and then she had to leave for a few hours. Tony was left unsupervised for longer amounts of times as Rhodey hung out with Steve to watch movies.

They were watching The Empire Strikes Back when Steve heard Tony the first time since that day. Just one word, and it was such a Tony-word to say.

”Fuck!”

Steve cried.

 

They heard Tony more and more after that. He still didn't leave his bedroom, but there were noises, the occassional word shouted in anger or victory. Wanda and Vision returned, as did Natasha. Steve started relaxing and the compound started to feel more like home again. He even let Natasha drag him outside a few times to feed on donuts and milkshake at the closest diner. It wasn't normal, as it had been before, but it was better than it had been since then.

 

It had been almost four months since the accident. Everything was as normal as it could be without Tony's constant attitude and presence. Even Bucky appeared at the compound one day, immediately heading to Tony's workshop where Steve was sitting. Peter was in school and wouldn't return for another four hours.

”Come on, let's go out and do something”, Bucky tried and Steve wanted to, he really did want to follow Bucky and do something fun. Instead he shook his head.

”I can't.”

”He's not gonna show up anytime soon. He's been hiding for months now. Come on. Just one day.”

Steve bit his lip.

”The others are coming as well”, Bucky kept trying.

Steve shook his head. Something in his stomach told him he couldn't.

”Even Pepper and Rhodey are coming.”

”Sorry Bucky. Any other day I'd come but I just don't feel like it today.”

Bucky threw his hands up in defeat.

”As you wish, shrimp. We'll see you tonight then.”

He disappeared again and Steve thought that maybe, just maybe, he had made the wrong choice.

 

Two hours later the doors to the workshop opened. Steve froze, couldn't move even if he wanted to. Tony entered, looked at him, then quickly looked away again. Steve just watched as Tony steered the wheelchair towards the table with the busted Iron Man-suit. A wheelchair. He blinked. Tony was sitting in a wheelchair, he was thin, his hair unkempt. All of him was unkempt. He had bags under his eyes, his clothes were dirty and wrinkly. Steve barely dared to breathe.

Tony cursed as he stopped by the table. He couldn't reach across it like he used to. Steve almost got up from his seat, but the wheelchair started wrapping around Tony, lifting him into a standing position. Tony winced slightly at the movement but Steve couldn't help but smile. Of course Tony would have a wheelchair he could stand in. He watched as Tony started working on the suit, examining it. From his place at the table he could see Tony's eyes getting brighter.

Tony disappeared back into his room just before Peter arrived. He hadn't said a word to Steve, had barely looked at him, but Steve's chest felt warm. Hopeful. He didn't tell the others, but Rhodey looked at him and he knew Rhodey knew what had happened.

 

Tony stopped by the workshop several times the week after that. It followed the same pattern every time. When the compound was empty except for Steve he'd emerge, they'd look at each other and then Tony would get to work with neither of them saying anything. Steve sketched while Tony was there. One day Tony had brushed his hair and put on clean and unwrinkled clothes and Steve had almost started crying when he saw him. He had rested against the table in hopes that Tony wouldn't see how emotional it made him.

On the seventh day Tony stopped the wheelchair on the opposit side of the table Steve was sitting at. Steve kept sketching, but his full attention was on Tony. He had so many things he wanted to say, to ask, to figure out, but he didn't know where to start. He wanted to ask about the wheelchair but was almost certain it was a sensitive subject. He opened his mouth, hoping something would come out, but Tony beat him to it.

”I'm sorry.”

Steve shook his head in disbelief, lifted his eyes to look at Tony. Tony was fiddling with something in his lap instead of returning Steve's gaze.

”You don't have to apologize”, Steve said.

Tony almost smiled, settled for a nod and then disappeared.

 

Their conversations got longer after that and after another few days Tony didn't disappear as Peter arrived. Peter's excitement about finally seeing his mentor again lifted the spirits of everyone in the compound, even if Tony still kept to himself, only spending time with the four chosen people. Steve finally dared ask about the wheelchair and Tony winked, gave him one of those paparazzi-smiles Tony always wore when being in public.

”Snapped my back pretty good.”

Steve didn't know what to say and Tony went back to work on fixing the suit.

 

It took another few days and then Tony showed up in the kitchen. Steve and Natasha were the only ones there, and Tony hesitated for a couple seconds, until Natasha placed a cup of coffee on the table and gestured for him to take it.

”We missed you”, she said.

Tony wrapped his fingers around the cup, lifted it to his mouth and Steve thought he could see the trace of a smile in his face.

”I missed you guys too.”

 

For every day, Tony started hanging out more and more with all of them. Steve watched his transformation, from the ruffled person who had come out of the bedroom the first day to the relaxed person who was now sitting with them to watch a movie. The change in Tony's posture, eyes and voice made Steve warm inside, happy. Peter bounced around like he had recieved the greatest gift ever.

Tony was alive. He was there with them. He hadn't given up. Steve definately shared Peter's joy.

 

”Why are you reparing the suit?” Steve asked when Tony finally declared that he was done. Tony just shrugged, told Friday to set it up by the wall.

”A reminder, I guess.”

”Promise me you'll never put it on again.”

”I have a broken back”, Tony smiled and there was something in that smile. ”Of course I'm never putting it on again.”

Steve leaned back and smiled. It took a broken back but Tony would finally stay back and stay safe.

 

It had been exactly six months since the accident. The call to assemble came in the middle of a movie. Everyone rushed to suit up and leave, except Tony. Steve smiled at him, apologetic.

”It shouldn't take too long. Keep the couch warm for us.”

Tony just laughed.

”Hurry up, Capcicle, or they'll leave without you.”

Steve ran to catch the Quinjet before it took off.

 

A bomb was going in Steve's direction. He raised his shield eventhough it wouldn't be enough to completely shield him from the blast. There was a flash of metal in the sky, red and gold that dove between him and the bomb and Steve cursed, yelled into the com because no, it couldn't be what he thought. Iron Man landed at the ground infront of him, groaned loadly. Steve kicked the suit.

”You idiot! You promised you wouldn't wear the suit again!”

The faceplate was raised, revealed a smiling Tony, who winked at Steve and Steve knew what was going to come next before Tony even said it.

”No promises broken, I'm not wearing _that_ suit.”

Steve kicked the suit again, furious, then crouched and lifted his shield to protect Tony from another attack.

”We will talk about this later.”

 

Steve was ready to yell, to throw things, to punch anyone who even opened their mouth. His feet stomped the floor as he walked from the jet into the living room where Tony was waiting.

”You absolute IDIOT!” he started.

But Tony looked at him, smiled widely and there was excitement in his eyes, so much life, and Steve melted, the anger left him before he could finish his rant.

”I know”, Tony said, ”but you also know.”

”Know what?” and Steve hadn't meant to smile as he asked that but he couldn't help it because their Tony was back. Tony's smile grew even larger.

”I am Iron Man.”

 


End file.
